Praying and Listening

Sun was setting, the last portion of the twilight was shining through the balcony to remind me it was time to make the decision. I had been walking around my living room as though the steps that I took would help me to decide if I should go for the youth prayer meeting.

Four years ago, when I was still a two to three-month old christian, I was invited to join my church youth prayer meeting. I can still remember clearly that it happened over lunch after church, and I regreted going for lunch with that bunch of youths that I did not really know. I was thinking to myself that the stupid lunch had put me into a difficult situation which I had to make a decision to either turn those people down by not going for the youth prayer meeting, or making myself uncomfortable to go and join something that I was not familiar with. The prayer meeting was starting at 8pm, and I was still trying to make the decision at 7:45pm. It was very hard to make the decision, but I somehow made up my mind to go for the prayer meeting at 7:50pm.

I flew (my term of driving very fast and like a mad person) to church and I was on time for the youth prayer meeting (wow! I really flew. It actually took 20 minutes to reach church from my house). My life as a christian was never the same since the first time I joined the youth prayer meeting.

I was touched by God, and I desired so much to be able to pray like those youths prayed and hear from God like those youths heard from God. I can still remember how desperate I was to ask God to enable to pray and also hear from Him. I asked and asked, but nothing seemed to happen... When I was about to give up on trying, I somehow decided to plead with God again, so I broke down and I cried out to the Lord during one of the prayer meetings...

"God, enable me to pray! Not for the sake of praying, but pray according to Your heart!"
"Father, speak! I'm listening! Speak into my heart so I'll know Your will!"
"Let me hear!"
"Let me commit my life to pray!"

I pleaded with God desperately until I could not even hear the people around me pray. Suddenly, I felt a gust of warm wind blowing into my face, and bible verses started coming into my head, and everytime I read each verse someone in the group would be praying the same thing. And, I heard (or should I say I felt?) God saying that: "I'm revealing what I'm doing".

I was so amazed! First time in my life that I felt the closeness of my Father, and I can never be taken away from Him anymore (though there are times I stumble and fall).

God has been disciplining me to pray for myself, my family, my youth group, my church, and the most importantly His will to come true. There are times, I do not feel the presence of God, and He just seems so far away; but His faithfulness has taught me enough to trust in His word instead of my own feeling. He is always with me, and He always hears my prayer.

I pray through bible passages whenever I do not feel (see! It's my feeling again!) like praying, but I discipline myself to pray because I know this is what God wants me to do. Praying is never about me, but about Jesus.

I have learnt to trust God in the quietest moment (Ok, I've still a long way to go, but...) by praying until God moves/works. I wanted to give up on this Youth Prayer Network blog due to the lack of support from the young people from TRAC, but God reminded me to hold on and trust Him. So, this is what the whole team and I are going to do.

To all pastors, counsellors, and young people,
Please join us and pray for a change of heart among the young people throughout Malaysia.

God bless.

Lawrence
Vice President of TRAC youth
Penang Wesley